Puns

Hi everyone, Happy Friday!
Now if you know me, you would know that I love jokes, especially those filled with puns. So today, I’ve put together 50 of my favorite puns from the Internet (some of which I came up with). Hope you enjoy them! LOL.

1) I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

2) If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

3) To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing!

4) How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

5) Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my WORD.

6) My friend had an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tears.

7) What do you do when chemists die? You Barium.

8) How do you kill a vegetarian vampire? With a steak to the heart, that’s how.

9) What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

10) Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

11) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

12) I wondered why I couldn’t fall asleep all night. Then it dawned on me.

13) I was trying to understand lightning. Then it struck me.

14) How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

15) Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

16) What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, I don’t care.

17) How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

18) A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that’s the last thing I need.

19) What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

20) Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Oh it’s ok, he’s awake now.

21) I only know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don’t know why.

22) My math teacher told me that I was average. How mean.

23) What did Adam say to his wife before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”

24) A survey was done among interns who quit their job. What was their most common reason for departure? INTERNal conflicts.

25) I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

26) Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

27) That very same guy owned a bakery that burned down last night. Now, his business is toast.

28) As if those weren’t bad enough, he drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

29) You know why you shouldn’t trust stairs? They’re ALWAYS up to something.

30) The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

31) What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

32) What did the seawater say when it reached the shore? Nothing, it just gave a little wave.

33) The experienced carpenter nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

34) Did you hear about the butter joke? Everyone’s spreading it.

35) Did you hear about the new broom? It’s sweeping the nation.

36) Did you hear about the hurricane? It’s taking the nation by storm.

37) If you ever find yourself freezing in an air-conditioned room, go to a corner. It’s 90 degrees.

38) Never trust people who do acupuncture; they’re backstabbers.

39) Never ever stand under a tree; they’re all really… SHADY.

40) Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

41) The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

42) I came home to my delight that every lamp in my house has been stolen.

43) There could only be one reason why Ed is single – she ran.

44) When my sister Ruth annoyed me, I chased her out of the house. I’m ruthless.

45) I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.

46) A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

47) What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

48) Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

49) Did you know about the fire that broke out in the circus? It was in tents!

50) Why did Adele cross the road? To say “Hello” from the other side.

Hahaha alright, that’s enough puns for a day. Have an awesome weekend everyone! 😆

Cover photo by: arseniic

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